Now that it’s the first day of April, I thought I’d pass on some information I’ve collected on photography related subjects.

But first, every post must have a photo.

Wood Stork in Flight?

Feel free to use all of this advice  and pass it on.  Or not.

Cameras and Settings:

• Don’t make photographs in a sandstorm.  They’ll turn out grainy.
• What’s wrong with most cameras that won’t take good pictures?  The nut behind the viewfinder!
• Military photography:  Why is flying an F-16 better than flying an F-22?  It’s one stop faster!
• Street photography;  Two photographers are walking down a street and pass a beggar. One keeps walking. The other stops. Later when they catch up with each other the first says to the second. “I saw you stop for that beggar. What did you give him?”.  ”Oh” says the first, “1/125th at f5.6”.
• How to tell if someone is a real photographer: Ask them this question. Suppose you’re walking through the woods and come to a clearing.  In that clearing is a lake and in the lake is a man is obviously drowning. Now you only have time to do one of the following – save his life or take a photo.  Here’s the question: Which lens should you use?
• How to make a photo at the North Pole?  Use a North Polaroid.
• During the holidays: Shoot the kids, hang the family, and frame the wife.
• What should Mozart do when his Olympus camera breaks?  Borrow Pachelbel’s Canon.
• Photographic spirits:  A photojournalist was caught out in a rain shower when he saw a dark gloomy house. He was drying off in the house, heard scary sounds and saw a ghost coming towards him. He grabbed his camera to take pictures. The ghost asked him what he was doing, he said “I just want to take your picture for the newspaper.” The ghost was glad for the exposure and posed for the photographer. When his film was all done he thanked the ghost and rushed to his office to get the film developed. When he saw the results he was terribly disappointed: they all came out black – underexposed.  The moral of the story is: The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
• How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?  50. One to change it, and 49 to say “I could have done that”.

Photography Safety

• A photographer made a selfie in the park.  Since it was dark, he used the built-in flash on his camera.  He got arrested for flashing and exposing himself.
• Two photographers are in the restroom. One uses Canon cameras  and the other uses Nikon.  Nikon finishes first and simply heads for the door.   Canon says “Excuse me, Canon photographers wash our hands when we’re finished”.
  Nikon replies: ” I understand, but Nikon photographers don’t pee on our hands”
• Any photo of a chicken nibbling my butt has an unusual ass-pecked ratio.

Photography, business, and money:

• The quickest way to make money at photography is to sell your camera.
• How do you get a professional photographer off your front porch?
  Pay for the pizza.
• What’s the difference between a frog hopping down the street and a photographer walking down the street?  The frog might be on the way to a job.
• How do you make a small fortune in photography? Start with a large one.

Working with models:

• If your model didn’t show up to the photo shoot because of acne…that’s a pore excuse.
• Most photographers will pick a model with photographic mammaries.
• Don’t pick these kind of models:  Two new models are waiting as the photographer sets up equipment.  One says to the other, ”What’s taking so long?”
  The other replies: “The photographer’s getting ready to focus”.
  To which the first model exclaims, ”FOCUS, we haven’t even been paid yet!”

April Fools!  I’m sorry for the poor humor.  I hope no one was too offended or groaned too much.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog. Now – go make some photos!

©2017, Ed Rosack. All rights reserved